Poetically inclined: Gone

My heart drops as i hear the news over the phone.

Not really listening or believing. Not even fathoming the thought of
being alone.

Said "I'm sorry, he's gone..." and that "...nothin' more could be
done."

Numb all over even to my heart thinkin' "ain't no way he's gone!"

No emotion, no feeling no thoughts in my head

No actions no questions no words that could be said

All i feel is the urge to crawl back into bed

But I can't sleep, can't eat, can't think, can't speak

The words I want for momentarily I'm far too weak.

Afraid that if I open my mouth to form the words inside,

I won't be able to control my tears & sadness i've pushed aside.

So i sit and wonder: "How could this be...

how in the hell could he just leave me."

Why didn't i show him all the things I wanted him to see,

but never allowed him to. Too damned proud to just let free

the feelings i've kept bottled in, so focused on the bad.

never realizing what i could lose, and what i had.

So ready for the bad to occur and not wanting to be in too deep.

Not wanting him in my mind and heart to seep.

Tryin' to protect myself from the hurt I've felt before,

by keeping a pad lock on that door

that leads to my heart... tried so hard,

so hard.

So focused on the bad...

not realizing what i had.

I remember getting so mad,

when he'd forget to call,

and other "BIG" things which now seem so... small.

Not living in and cherishing the warmth of his kiss.

And the whole boat load of good things I'd miss,

if i ever had to go thru life without him.

Reality's setting in, and now life seems so dim.

Thinking of the times we shared and missin his love.

Feeling trapped... stuck... and unable to budge.

Devastation, desperation, and deprivation; all driving me insane.

I just want him to come back and for things to be the same.

But never... he won't,

and things don't.

he's moved on to bigger things, bigger plans, other people, better
place.

Yet every now and then... I still see his face.

In my book, my dreams, my mind, my space.

A part of my heart will forever be gone,

Forever belong,

To him... but I now know that I must move on.
Its only poetry for writer's sake!!